Near (sobbing):And my whole life is a swirling black-hole-pit of depression and doom, you know. Puzzles and toys shine some light and they are my only friends in this dying world. A kid thinks he’s God, for heavens sake! Mello doesn’t know who he wants to succeed- me. My life isn’t easy. My only love, L, dies and… and… I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE! Mello f***ing broke my legs permanently, so I can’t stand and the only way to move is on a wheelchair! These pyjamas are f***ing permanently stuck on- Mello- and my hair dyed permanently white (I wish I could die like my hair)- f***ing Mello again! Halle makes moves on me and she knows I’m yaoi-inclined! And what’s worse- the fan girls follow me around every f***ing second of the day asking for autographs and saying I’m cute! FOR HEAVENS SAKE LEAVE ME ALONE! Oh, sweet justice, take me from this world and let me be re-united with my love, L, and be free from this pointless life. AHHH!

Director (chuckling): Next! Near isn’t that depressed in the manga!

Near: But… but I am f***ing Near! What the f*** do you know about me?!! What does the f***ing manga tell ya!? F***ing nothing ya f***ing bastard!

Halle: Come now, Near, time to go my dear! You need to lay off the Transformers!

Near: See what I f***ing mean!

Watari: *grabs Near and lifts him onto shoulders* I think you need some sleep!

Director: lolz XD